An Unexpected Milestone



I was over at a friends house the other day. I sat down on the front porch where one of his neighbors was already sitting. Over the last three or four years, I had seen him maybe a half dozen times. Meredith was with me on most of those trips and he was aware of her disease. I had not seen this gentleman in almost a year as Meredith and I did not get out very much. We exchanged how-to-does and as I was pulling up a stool, he asked “Well are you about over it?” I did not respond, just looked as him with a puzzled face. He continued with “Sorry about Meredith, I was just wondering how you were doing and if you were about over her death.” I nodded my head and said “Pretty much so.” He rambled on about how he was still mourning his wife’s passing and etc, etc etc. I was stunned and amazed.

That was three days ago.

The life insurance check came in the mail along with the final deposit by social security posting today. And it was time to renew my driver’s license. I had put off to the point if I waited any longer I would have to take the test. So I picked a renewal post about twenty-five miles of back road driving away. Thirty five minutes forth, five minutes to renew and forty five minutes back (I had the good fortune to find some dirt roads back). I have been playing Sunday’s conversation in my head pretty much on a loop since the conversation occurred. I finally realized that maybe I was a lot further in my journey than I realized. It was January 2013 when preliminary notification arrived informing us Meredith’s pilgrimage was going to start getting rough. I was the caregiver for the first three years. As for the next three and a half years, I was able to use the long term care insurance to pay for a daytime caregiver. I would stay late in the morning to be with Meredith and come home in mid-afternoon to be with her. During those three plus years, I would talk with Natalya about events, travel and fun Meredith and I had. For the last eighteen months Meredith had lost her ability to speak, so when I would tell what Natalya thought was not totally correct, she would ask Meredith if it was true and Meredith would nod her head and smile. She smiled quite often during those chats. I feel those times spent with her was our way of helping each other to ease this pathway she did not ask to take, knowing the time was coming when she was going to take leave and helping me to accepting her eventual departure . When people say to me they are sorry to hear about Meredith’s passing, I tell them I am not. She had long passed the point of “quality of life”. I am sad because I am alone with out her, but I am glad for her to have escaped the prison of Multiple Systems Atrophy.



An Unexpected Milestone

I was over at a friends house the other day. I sat down on the front porch where one of his neighbors was already sitting. Over the last three or four years, I had seen him maybe a half dozen times. Meredith was with me on most of those trips and he was aware of her disease. I had not seen this gentleman in almost a year as Meredith and I did not get out very much. We exchanged how-to-does and as I was pulling up a stool, he asked “Well are you about over it?” I did not respond, just looked as him with a puzzled face. He continued with “Sorry about Meredith, I was just wondering how you were doing and if you were about over her death.” I nodded my head and said “Pretty much so.” He rambled on about how he was still mourning his wife’s passing and etc, etc etc. I was stunned and amazed.

That was three days ago.

The life insurance check came in the mail along with the final deposit by social security posting today. And it was time to renew my driver’s license. I had put off to the point if I waited any longer I would have to take the test. So I picked a renewal post about twenty-five miles of back road driving away. Thirty five minutes forth, five minutes to renew and forty five minutes back (I had the good fortune to find some dirt roads back). I have been playing Sunday’s conversation in my head pretty much on a loop since the conversation occurred. I finally realized that maybe I was a lot further in my journey than I realized. It was January 2013 when preliminary notification arrived informing us Meredith’s pilgrimage was going to start getting rough. I was the caregiver for the first three years. As for the next three and a half years, I was able to use the long term care insurance to pay for a daytime caregiver. I would stay late in the morning to be with Meredith and come home in mid-afternoon to be with her. During those three plus years, I would talk with Natalya about events, travel and fun Meredith and I had. For the last eighteen months Meredith had lost her ability to speak, so when I would tell what Natalya thought was not totally correct, she would ask Meredith if it was true and Meredith would nod her head and smile. She smiled quite often during those chats. I feel those times spent with her was our way of helping each other to ease this pathway she did not ask to take, knowing the time was coming when she was going to take leave and helping me to accepting her eventual departure . When people say to me they are sorry to hear about Meredith’s passing, I tell them I am not. She had long passed the point of “quality of life”. I am sad because I am alone with out her, but I am glad for her to have escaped the prison of Multiple Systems Atrophy.