Dare I Look Back?

A person read my journal of my passage from having a soul mate to being alone suggested I should write a book of this pilgrimage. And she added a little note thinking she was late making this suggestion. This is my response.

You are late. In passing random thoughts will driving from point a to point b, I have considered writing about my journey of healing. For me those two years were a mandatory passage. I had over six years to prepare. So many nights, staring at the ceiling, listening to the oxygen generator filling her lungs with death delaying breath. I prayed for a faster end to her suffering. And then at one o’clock on that Sunday morning, my life became totally upside down. My pilgrimage became a solo trip. Every person who has been there, reacts differently, both emotionally and physically.

I have attempted to go back to read and relive the raw emotions I penned to paper during my journey. It is still too soon. The wounds are still deep and hurting. About eight months after Meredith’s passing, I met a grief counselor at an event. We briefly chatted and I quickly realized he had no clue about how to comfort a grieving person. He had no grasp of what grief really is. It appeared to me as if everything he learned about how to handle grief was garnered from watching YouTube.

I have a hundred story lines which I think would make for a good read. But my journal? I would help someone else to put it in a presentable fashion. But I won’t buy a copy. I was there and really do not want to return.

Time in a Bottle

I am not big on special recognition days. Birthdays, Anniversaries, Holidays. I think it is connected to my inability to remember names, dates, phone numbers. Names are foreign to me. I can be introduced to a person and before I can say how glad I am to meet them, their name has disappeared in my memories. Lost to the fog which shrouds the part of my brain which stores this information. Phone number? You have got to be kidding me. If I am having to type a phone number form one screen to the other, i have to concentrate on the first 6 numbers, check the screen again for the last four numbers then go back a recheck at least once and sometimes twice. Yet I have remembered my grandparents number since I was 6. Birthdays? If your birthday does not coincide with some trivial fact that is stuck in my brain, I am sorry. Mobley’s birthday happens to be the day which anyone with an income from doing an honest days work in this country knows the day they have to report their earnings. It is now marked with a larger personal event, the fiery end of P & N Engraving. Happy Birthday Mobley.

Meredith used to chide and make fun of my inability to remember dates. Every December when the calendar for the next year was out, she would make a big show of transferring all the names from the old to the new. One August morning, after making coffee, she returned to the bedroom, woke me up and sat on the edge of the bed. In that sweet alto voice she said, “Happy Birthday” as she gave me a hug and handed me a birthday card. I opened it and read it with no comment. As she was getting a little pouty look on her face, I reached under my pillow and handed her an anniversary card, thanking her for being ahead of the game, for my birthday was to arrive in 6 days. Oh how sweet the feeling is of complete release from the punishment of not remembering when her mother’s twice removed cousin’s wedding anniversary was to occur.

All this to say, there is one anniversary which looms on the horizon which is very heavy on my heart. The first four times this date passed. I was too busy running, hiding, recovering and doing everything in my power to ignore. But this year, it is heavy on my soul. Time might be the healer of all wounds, but it heals on it’s own schedule.

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I’d like to do
Is to save every day ’til eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I’d save every day like a treasure, and then
Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do once you find them

I’ve looked around enough to know
That you’re the one I want to go through time with

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory of how they were answered by you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do once you find them

I’ve looked around enough to know
That you’re the one I want to go through time with

dO1rMeYnOmM

Help Wanted Ad, Then and Now.

Men wanted for hazardous journey. Low wages, bitter cold, long hours of complete darkness. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in event of success.

Seeking a travel companion who can enjoy  being at the beach for sunrise/sunset, in the vast prairies of the mid west where the Milky Way appears as a massive cloud or in the high plains of the upper mid west driving through the gorges and passes of the Rockies on the way to  Glacier NP. I am a decent cook but do not mind sharing the kitchen. I keep up with the current events but I am not a news junkie. 

No wages. The accommodations are vastly superior to what Mr. Shackleton was offering. Not travelling north of the Artic circle. And safe return is highly probable. Self satisfaction of a fun trip is the recognition offered. As I realize I am closer to the end of my pilgrimage then the beginning, I maintain an extensive bucket list of places to go, things to experience and mom and pop diners to visit.

I would have signed on with Mr. Shackleton. Not for the “Honour and recognition”, but for the adventure. The thrill of being there. To the modern generation, being there is watching it live on a phone screen. Communication is through electronic messaging. LOL, IMO, and my favorite FOFO.

Being there. Paducah, KY. NW Nevada desert, on the Road to Durango. NW corner of Texas. The Hermitage. Rijksmuseum. Tower of London. Canterbury Cathedral. Iceland. Everglades. Big Bend. camping in the Okefenokee. Kitty Hawk. Yosemite. The list goes on. Being there. In a stadium with 40 to 75 thousand of your comrades in sports, watching the winning shot on goal and the everybody goes wild. I do not care how large your flat screen is, it will never compare to the deafening roar and the vibrations of the stadium rocking. Being there. To see the Milky Way as a massive cloud while hoping the Marfa Lights will appear. The Persoid Meteor Shower in a bowl surrounded by mountains with no light pollution. Being there.

That is why I am going to the Faroe Islands. No matter how grand the photo shots are, you have to be there to take in the full bigger than life size view. Feel the wind. Smell the salt air. I have read the cuisine is superb. The people are friendly and most are fluent in English. I just have to go to be there.

Rabbit Blood starting to Boil

While unpacking and storing boxes on shelves in the basement, I came across a box with memorabilia from several trips “She Who Must Be Obeyed” had gathered and saved in a room I did not pack up when I evacuated from my domicile of 34 years. I could look at tram receipts, train tickets, boarding passes, museum entrance stubs and the odd collection of beer coasters, napkins, etcetera, etcetera. I knew the background story on every slip of paper. What we did. What we saw, ate and how hard we laughed. Created memories. Memories we shared the last three years of her life when she could no longer talk. But I digress.

Between my childhood military brat travels and trips with Meredith I have visited 19 European countries, Russia and Morocco. As I ponder the world map on this fine spring day, I am seeking a place where the landscape is overpowering, untouched by encroaching “civilization” and has any fast food franchises (which according to my palate is neither fast nor food) desecrated this area. Weather conditions are not an issue as a rainy, cold raw windy day exploring the wild countryside on vacation is better than a sunny day at work. Not that I am currently employed but your catch my drift.

By mid September, the invasion of seekers of exotic locales, thrill rides, and foreign to them cuisine are quickly returning to where ever they regularly rest their heads. Sharing their thousands of digital memories with all who will click on their page. One thing I have noted in the majority of the pictures have no description of why, what, or reason for taking the shot. The Eiffel Tower or Big Ben I can understand but untitled shots of The Basilica of the Sacred Heart can be confusing to travelers who have never seen the White Dome on the hill.

So I have started my preliminary planning. Step one, which no planning can start if this step is not confirmed, current passport. Check. It has 8 years left.

Rabbit Blood. Willie sings it best.

Don’t pay the ransom, I have escaped

It has been a busy three years since I last visited the mostly unexplored depths of my emotions locked in an uncharted lobe located in the interior of my skull. So here it begins:

Year of the Tiger started rough. Things were looking good around mid April, a period in my life where I had just emerged from the emotional hole of mourning after the death of Meredith. On this particular Wednesday, Mobley, with the help of Douglas County’s finest, had discovered the passing of our dear friend and lead engraver (she had passed unexpectedly after only 50 plus a few orbits). I also had some anger as her death was very preventable. And as I sat outside the shop on Thursday morning, having returned from Ellijay that fateful Wednesday evening, I received a text which altered my personal life drastically.

The counselors, psychologists and psychiatrists can theorize, analyze, discuss, rationalize, confuse and distort what 0ccured to me from that April day to the eleventh day of September. Those few months passed in a blur to me. When the aforementioned date arrived, I found myself standing between a very small chapel and the monument commemorating the central point of the continental US of A, reciting wedding vows. Leaving my residence of 30 plus years with its memories and ghosts behind, leaving Douglasville. Where in the coming months I built a cabin in the woods while my marriage never materialized.

The years of the Tiger being chased by the Rabbit was an era of which was endured. Two heart ablations, massive gout/arthritis attacks, cracked vertebrae, and damaged wrist ligaments cover the physical impediments. Emotional strains were off the chart as we were separated and then back together only to be separated again. To quote Harry Chapin “what ever we had once was gone.” The wind whispers, these times of turmoil will pass. All things shall pass. Just remember to keep breathing. Inhale, exhale. And as a reward for enduring without losing faith or turning to drink, the sunsets became an evening focal point of relaxation, calming and a time to count my blessings. The Lakeland RV and Cabin Resort has become my refuge. My Haven. My gift from God. A place to heal and recover.

I have a new mantra. I am not afraid of dying. I can say I even look forward to having all the questions of what happens after we die answered. But until the call comes, I have a lot of things to do. Don’t let the old man in.

You Have A Message…

It was a Friday morning in June. Clear blue skies and mild temperatures. It was around mid morning as I pulled into my shop parking spot, the one facing the front door. I sat with my hands still on the wheel as I stared at the portal entrance of the business I had built, rehashing all the events which had occurred the previous day. I was upset and just a little bit angry. I had just returned from Ellijay late the night before because we had an emergency at the office. I had spent the previous day on and off the phone with Mobley helping her in her search for our engraver. Lisa left work on Tuesday with everything in order and jobs laid out for Wednesday’s production schedule. Wednesday came and went with out Lisa making an appearance. Calls to her cell went unanswered and messages not returned. By afternoon her friends were calling the shop looking for her because she had not answered their calls or acknowledged their messages. Thursday morning, in between meetings with contractors, I talked with Mobley and we agreed someone needed to go to the house. Upon her arrival she found the car in the driveway but no response to knocks which quickly turned into pounding on the door, I suggested she call the sheriff’s department for a wellness check. Mobley called me after an hour or so and informed me the results were what we had all feared. I drove back from Ellijay that night. When I pulled into the shop that morning, I had a flash of selfishness and a moment of anger. She was our lead engraver. This was the busiest month of the year for my little company. I had only recently climbed back into the world of the living and was looking forward to my retirement with new found excitement of the future. And for a brief moment, I was upset that I would have to go back to work. I sat in the car contemplating all this when my phone chimed I had a message on Facebook.

I seldom received an IM so looking for an excuse to delay my entrance I checked my phone. It was from an very good customer from a time years before Meredith was diagnosed. I continued to call on her until the time arrived for me to turn over customer care to Mobley and stay with Meredith full time. You make sales calls on the same person over the years and very often you become friends not just client and salesman. Lisa was one of Janice’s best friends and in office chit chat over the years she had kept me up to date on Janice’s job resignation and her move to Brunswick to be closer to her mother and sister. I had not seen or talked with her for 6 years or so. Now there was the message from her wanting to know the details about Lisa and what had happened with her. Knowing how close the two of them had been I sent a six word response. Little did I know the impact of a six word response would have on my life. I did not have her phone number so I responded to my Future Wife Janice Johnson “It’s complicated. Call me at 404-642-….”

Time to Weigh Anchor

Eighteen full moons have come and gone since my pilgrimage’s path was altered to solo travel. Two trips out of country, my father’s passing, two knee’s under going total replacement, another test providing video proof that my head is not up there, contrary to popular belief of many family members and friends.

The time has come to weigh anchor, turn into the wind, set the sails, fall off the wind and take a new bearing. Contrary to the appearance of all of Meredith’s and my travels of the world, we were homebodies. As I have stated in other screeds, the only thing we did not do together was drive the 2.8 miles forth and back to the shop. Meredith always felt you just needed to have some space. What was once our sanctuary has now become a heavy weight on my mind and heart. Thirty-five years of memories are layered in every space in the house. Memories of conversations, meals, laughter, crying hang heavy in every room. Through circumstances which I will not digress upon here, I am the owner of slightly under two acres of land on a ridge line two miles Southeast of Morganton Georgia. Downtown Morganton consists of a two pump mom and pop gas station/ mini-market, post office and several business, not all of which are open and has not changed since my grandfather purchased this property in the mid 60’s. There is not even a stop sign in town. I have started to improve the property and, if all goes well, by April I should be able to use this log cabin as my mental sanctuary.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5MAg_yWsq8

I’m sailing away, set an open course for the virgin sea
Cause I’ve got to be free, free to face the life that’s ahead of me
On board, I’m the captain, so climb aboard
We’ll search for tomorrow on every shore
And I’ll try, oh Lord, I’ll try to carry on

I look to the sea, reflections in the waves spark my memory
Some happy, some sad
I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had
We lived happily forever, so the story goes
But somehow we missed out on that pot of gold
But we’ll try best that we can to carry on

A gathering of angels appeared above my head
They sang to me this song of hope, and this is what they said
They said come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me now
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me

Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me now
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me

I thought that they were angels, but to my surprise
We climbed aboard their starship, we headed for the skies
Singing come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me now
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me

Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away, come sail away

Courage

Merriam-Webster Dictionary mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty
Short and sweet, pretty much covers the definition.

Wikipedia on the other hand is a lot more verbose. This being the difference between methods of distribution of expensive printing with ink and paper versus the access to unlimited cyber space and memory. “Courage is the choice and willingness to confront agony, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation. Physical courage is bravery in the face of physical pain, hardship, even death or threat of death, while moral courage is the ability to act rightly in the face of popular opposition, shame, scandal, discouragement, or personal loss.”

But my all time favorite was said with the least amount of words, but is stronger and easier to understand then either Merriam-Webster or the long winded Wikipedia. It is from Marion Michael Morrison, known to all those my age as John Wayne. “Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.”

My soul mate and reason for my “Carpe Diem” passed away 10 months ago. Every morning I have to saddle up anyway. Face another day of spiritual desolation and loneliness. Going through the motions with no directions or destination in mind. Just keep moving. They can not hit a moving target. Then throw in a severe case of arthritis in both knees, getting x-rays and being told in my celebration month of my 65th orbit, “yes you need both knees replaced but you are over the recommended weight for this procedure. You need to go home and get skinny.” One thing I like about this doctor is the only sugar he has is in his coffee. So I went on a diet. Twenty percent of me has now gone where ever excess weight goes when it disappears from the scales. So with the weight meter needle in the safe zone, the “procedure” was on the calendar, I attended all the required “joint” classes and tests were passed. But it was not to occur. The virus pandemic kicked in and all elective/non-emergency surgeries were put on hold. By this time in my journey with bad knees, the pain was rapidly approaching the thresh hold of unbearable. The doctor was sympathetic but no matter who up the chain I knee capped to demonstrate the pain, I would have to wait.

To bring this back to the title, I have a deep seated fear of the medical profession. This fear is border line phobia. There is a triangle of secrecy between insurance companies, drug manufacturers, and the medical hospitals/doctors. The medical “industry” is the third highest killer of citizens in this country. https://www.propublica.org/article/how-many-die-from-medical-mistakes-in-us-hospitals . And the top two are disease related. So I had to take the virus test. The nurse was soft spoken, kind and understanding. She said for me to lean my head back to expose my right nostril and she was going to get a running start from across the room to gain enough inertia to ram a wooden stick recently removed from the broom in the maintenance closet, all the way back to the area located at the junction of my Occipital  Lobe, Cerebellum and the Temporal Lobe, count to 793 rotate said broom handle and ever so slowly retract so all membranes can reseal themselves.

Now after a thirty five day stay of execution, on Monday, the fourth day of May, a gathering of people wearing masks, face shields, gloves, gowns and holding all manner of sharp instruments, will gather around my unconscious physical container of all my thoughts and soul, to replace my left knee with three pieces of titanium.

I hope this will not be my swan song https://www.famousfix.com/topic/harry-chapin-dance-band-on-the-titanicEdit

Red Letter Days

The calendar on the wall contains “Red Letter Days”. Those days highlighted in a different print color so those of us dinosaurs who have an analog watch and a calendar, with no cute pictures, on the wall, can see in to the future what holidays are on the horizon. A few of us still, around October when vendors pass out the next year’s schedule of upcoming events, start to mark in the red letter days marking the holidays in our life. Family birthdays, anniversaries, vacations and any other significant event which needs to be marked for quick reference and remembrance. I was always amazed at how Meredith could remember dates of events from the past. This is an art I have never and will never be able to master. Hence the writing on the wall (calendar). But the date which will never appear on any of my orbital tracking devices will be the day when Meredith was set free from her suffering. A day I longed to have arrive and dreaded at the same time. A day that is forever burned in my memory. The day that all circumstances were completely out of control. We had planned for this day. But so much had to be done which required my signature ink on so many documents in the presence of a notary. So many questions about the remains. The final visit in the room to certify the body was the earthly remains of the women I had spent over half my life holding, loving, fighting, travelling, caring and laughing and enjoying life. It was surreal, almost out of body, choreographed by Steven King, so pale, so cold, so not there. St. James Infirmary playing…..

It was down by old Joe’s barroom, on the corner of the square
They were serving drinks as usual, and the usual crowd was there
On my left stood Big Joe McKennedy, and his eyes were bloodshot red
And he turned his face to the people, these were the very words he said

I was down to St. James infirmary, I saw my baby there
She was stretched out on a long white table,
So sweet, cool and so fair

Let her go, let her go, God bless her
Wherever she may be
She may search this whole wide world over
Never find a sweeter man as me

When I die please bury me in my high top Stetson hat
Put a twenty dollar gold piece on my watch chain
The gang’ll know I died standing pat

Let her go, let her go God bless her
Wherever she may be
She may search this wide world over
Never find a sweeter man as me

I want six crapshooters to be my pallbearers
Three pretty women to sing a song
Stick a jazz band on my hearse wagon
Raise hell as I stroll along

Let her go Let her go
God bless her
Wherever she may be
She may search this whole wide
World over
She’ll never find a sweeter
Man as me

A twist on the original – fascinating and an incredible voice.

Photographs and Memories

I was doing pretty good this morning. Woke up at 0500, (still on Ireland Time), did my usual morning routine with only about an hour of contemplating the new meaning of my life as it appears to me through the fog and pain of loneliness. The dogs were able to revive me from my inner thoughts with the reminder I was not the only resident with a full bladder. Started a load of laundry, cooked the meat for today’s lunch and dinner, changed the clothes from washer to dryer and started another load. I am slowly sifting through the material objects collected over the past thirty five years. This is a very painful process and I try not to dwell on any one item or area of a room. Today it got out of hand. In the basement was a plastic storage container of about fifteen to twenty gallon size with about eight shoe boxes. I knew what was there but plunged ahead anyway. The pictures started from the very beginning of our journey together. I remembered the story behind every trip. Panama City with the girls before we got married, wedding day, honeymoon drive from San Diego to San Francisco, Keystone Colorado, Breckenridge Colorado (twice) and Cumberland Island. I had to stop. I still have five boxes left.

Meredith and I loved to travel. A lot of weekends, we would just drive. We always headed to the mountains. There was something mystical in the highlands calling us. No particular destination, just looking for boiled peanut stands and cold beer. Meredith taught me how to eat a boiled peanut with one hand so I could steer the car with the other. We laughed a lot. We were relaxed and at ease when we were together.

It has been almost eight months since the last journey ended and this new path was forced upon me. Nobody has called in those months. Nobody has come by to see me. Not that I expected any of that nor even desire the interruption. Meredith had to go three years of enduring the abandonment by all but two friends. I had to quit telling her of the people who would call me and ask about her or stop by the shop to ask me how she was doing. Everybody said “Meredith is in our prayers.” She did not want your prayers so much as your presence. I will not go into the details of the depths of her loneliness she felt at being abandoned by her friends and her church family who she under the belief, what she and I have come to realize is false, that the church friends were more family then friends.

“Tell Meredith she is in our prayers.” ‘What are you praying for’ I wanted to scream. If you would only go see her, that would have so much more uplifting effect on her spirit. I can only wish my faith is half as strong and pure as Meredith’s display of faith. We had a conversation early in this journey to the abyss of hell with this disease where she stated she did not want to die. She knew that death was approaching and was not afraid to die, she just did not want to die. The last three and a half years while in the wheelchair, she met each day with a smile. When she was taken upstairs by the care giver, when they made the turn from the bathroom into the bedroom she would give me a big smile and give me “Queen’s Wave”.

I prayed for Meredith also. I prayed for Him to prepare me for the loneliness and to end her suffering. To date, I can say neither prayer was answered.

I guess this is where I have to wrap up this rant, wipe the tears, suck it up (buttercup), raise the anchor and set a new course. Do not come for me for I am on the move. For all of Meredith’s friends, go see a shut in. I know it is hard. I had a couple of people tell me they were unable to visit Meredith because they remembered her the way she used to be and seeing her now was painful. I knew their pain. I had a front row center, stage seat everyday for six plus years. And we will not talk about the backstage events I was privy to. And it really pisses me off when people tell me, “I was surprised you stayed around.”

“As you treat the least of these so you treat me.” Sometimes being a good friend or a Christian is the hardest thing action one can do.